Chapter 30: Enraging the World

Xu Fengnian was about to go to the mute sword fanatic to experience the so-called sword qi, but then he heard a pig-like wail, a mournful cry as if his parents had died. Xu Fengnian turned with a smile and saw a large, fleshy figure rolling and scrambling towards him. He quickly used the scabbard of his Xiu Dong blade to brace against the 300-jin mass. Only the bizarrely obese Chu Lushan would dare to act so shamelessly and obsequiously in front of the Young Master.

Upon seeing the dark-skinned Xu Fengnian, the fat man, nicknamed "Lu Ball," was a sobbing mess. He struggled to half-crouch at the Young Master's feet, his pale, plump hands clutching the Xiu Dong scabbard, weeping uncontrollably.

Xu Fengnian loved to watch Lu Ball's exaggerated antics, finding joy in it every time. As for their authenticity, as long as the Xu family's royal banner stood, they were as real as could be.

Xu Fengnian pulled out the scabbard and patted the cheek of the dignified General Qianniu Longwu. "Get up and speak. A third-rank military general kneeling to me? I haven't heard of you kneeling to your parents, though I have heard people say you often take your frustrations out on them. How undignified. Oh, by the way, Lu Ball, have you finished the task Xu Xiao assigned you?"

Chu Lushan ignored the buckets of sweat he'd worked up climbing Mount Wudang. He struggled to his feet, his mass of flesh quivering. It was a wonder how his maids and concubines endured being pressed by 300 jin of weight. The plump, spherical man grinned obsequiously: "About seventy to eighty percent is done. The rest is being monitored; there won't be any loopholes, just waiting for Your Highness's inspection. Lu Ball's parents are two disrespectful old folks who only did one good thing by giving birth to me, so why should I kneel to them? But Your Highness, you are wise and mighty, possessing eight-tenths of the world's talent. With your blade skills perfected today, you are truly skilled in both literary and martial arts. I would gladly kneel to death for Your Highness. Your Highness, this mountain is truly no place for a human. Lu Ball dares to ask Your Highness to return to the Residence. Heh, on this trip, Lu Ball found a lovely pair of 'twin lotuses' for Your Highness in Jiangnan Dao. They're just entering their prime, yet they're as plump and beautiful as mature women. Your Highness, they are ready to be 'plucked'!"

Xu Fengnian's face darkened, "Twin lotuses?"

Chu Lushan, wondering what had angered the Young Master, his mind raced. He suddenly recalled the old servant with missing front teeth, and that "Sword Two" in Sword Nine seemed to be called "Twin Lotuses." The fat man quickly slapped himself twice, with surprising force, showing no hesitation. His entire face turned red like braised pork, and he regretted, "This lowly one deserves to die!"

Xu Fengnian put an arm around Chu Lushan's shoulder and smiled, "Look at us, brothers, are we getting estranged? I just wanted to scare you a bit, and you took it seriously? Now, that's when you *should* slap yourself."

Lu Ball nodded vigorously, then slapped himself hard twice more. The smacks were exceptionally loud, clearly using all the strength he had. Chu Lushan was infamous in Liang, his atrocities too numerous to record. One of them was that whenever he heard of a beautiful woman giving birth, he would abduct her to his residence to "drink milk." If the milk was good, her fate was acceptable; after being full, she would be given silver and sent away. If not, her breasts would be cut off.

Such a jackal, however, always acted like a dog in the Prince of Liang's Residence. Yet, this dog, who once followed the Grand Marshal in campaigns north and south, had also performed the heroic feat of carrying Xu Xiao on his back and blocking eleven sword attacks on the battlefield. Thus, after being crowned king, Xu Xiao promised his adopted son, Chu Lushan, immunity even if he committed eleven capital offenses.

The other adopted sons, each with their own factions, all disdained Chu Lushan. For example, Yuan Zuozong never looked directly at the fat man, and Chen Zhibao, "the Butcher," even declared he would eventually turn Lu Ball's corpse into a sky lantern.

Xu Fengnian led Chu Lushan to the Elephant Washing Pond, where it was instantly cool. Watching the spherical man carefully squat down to scoop water and splash it on his face, Xu Fengnian asked with a smile, "You didn't struggle all the way up the mountain just to wail in front of me, did you?"

Chu Lushan looked up and chuckled, "I've heard some interesting news recently. I was afraid Your Highness might be lonely on the mountain, so I wanted to tell you to help pass the time."

Xu Fengnian said with interest, "Lu Ball is always so thoughtful. Go on, tell me."

Chu Lushan plopped down on a rock, his face animated as he began, "The first piece of news is about a young sword prodigy named Wu Liuding from the Wu Family Sword Mound. He left the mound at twenty and has been challenging renowned swordsmen across the land, remaining undefeated so far. He's about to reach the Sword Pond of the King of Yue, so a good show is probably coming soon. This Wu's swordsmanship is excellent; he's traveled from north to south alone with a single sword. Although he hasn't fought any first-rank masters yet, six or seven of the skilled swordsmen who died by his blade were formidable veterans famous for decades. But Lu Ball thinks that no matter how powerful his sword is, compared to Your Highness's blade, it's just a sewing needle."

Xu Fengnian smiled, neither confirming nor denying, and gestured with his eyes for Lu Ball to continue.

Lu Ball wiped away the beads of water on his face, which had already warmed from his body heat despite just leaving the pond. He continued, "The next two pieces of news are both related to the Second Princess. Two weeks ago, the Second Princess was acting as a proctoring dean at Shangyin Academy. She graded a five-character quatrain by a former scholar from Western Shu with the words 'unbearable to look at.' The scholar was indignant and asked who among the world's master poets and lyricists could meet her standards. Your Highness, do you know what the Second Princess said? Her critiques enraged almost all the literary giants and renowned scholars in the dynasty! She said Song Qimen's lyrics were 'languid in meaning, full of boudoir obscenities and debauchery from travels and consorting with prostitutes.' She evaluated Grand Academicians Yuan Jiang, Shen Haitang, and Zhang Jiao as 'skillful but weak in meaning, seeking fame and prestige, with overall low talent and little appeal, far from being called master poets or lyricists.' She commented on Yan Jidao, a master poet and lyricist from Shangyin Academy, saying his short pieces and *xiaoling* (a form of song-poem) were 'purely natural, showing no personal effort.' Even the Second Princess's own teacher, Su Huang, didn't escape her critique, being described as 'focused solely on sentiment and lacking in substance, like a beautiful woman from a poor family, who, despite her extreme beauty and grace, lacks the dignified bearing of wealth!' Finally, the arrogant scholar was dumbfounded, his arrogance gone. He could only quietly ask about Li Fujian, the dynasty's foremost *ci* (lyric) immortal. Unexpectedly, the Second Princess still critiqued him, saying his works could only be called 'poems with unrefined punctuation, not lyrics to be recited and sung.' As for everyone else below Li Fujian, she said they couldn't even be read."

Chu Lushan spoke breathlessly, his spirits soaring. It was strange, among the Grand Marshal's two daughters, Xu Zhihu deeply detested Lu Ball, wishing to beat him to death. In contrast, the highly reputable Xu Weixiong had no strong aversion to the fat man and never questioned her brother Xu Fengnian's association with Chu Lushan.

Xu Fengnian burst into laughter, "Well, now all the scholars in the world must be furious and stamping their feet!"

Lu Ball chuckled, "Your Highness is wise. Once those critiques left the academy, curses erupted across the land. On this trip, I took the opportunity to chop off the ten fingers of a fellow who dared to write an article criticizing the Second Princess for her exaggerated arrogance, likening it to an ant trying to shake a tree."

Xu Fengnian, intentionally or unintentionally, glossed over that remark and asked, "The last piece of news?"

Chu Lushan's face turned fierce. "Some young man, who knows where he came from, went to Shangyin Academy and challenged the Second Princess to a game of Go, saying he wanted to emulate the ancients and play 'Ten Games by the Lake.'"

Xu Fengnian asked in surprise, "My Second Sister agreed?"

Chu Lushan, his brow furrowed with murderous intent, sighed helplessly, "The Second Princess agreed. They played ten games over ten days, with five wins and five losses."

Xu Fengnian asked with a smile, "I'm guessing it was still on the 12-line board, not the 19-line board my Second Sister created?"

Chu Lushan nodded.

Xu Fengnian understood. "That means no matter how good that person's chess skills are, he's not yet qualified to dominate the 19-line board with my sister."

Chu Lushan, with his Maitreya-like physique, shed his murderous look and immediately became smug.

Xu Fengnian laughed, "Now that you've reminded me, I recall something: my Second Sister doesn't like me practicing blade skills. I'll have to really butter her up when I go down the mountain."

Lu Ball's eyes narrowed into slits; he seemed especially pleased.

Xu Fengnian stood up and said, "I still need to practice my blade. When you go down the mountain, pick two cucumbers from the vegetable garden to try. You, fatty, are always unhappy without meat. Eating some vegetables occasionally will help you live longer."

Chu Lushan quickly stood up, his face filled with tearful gratitude.

Xu Fengnian removed his clothes, placed the Xiu Dong blade on the bank, and dove into the deep pool with a fish-like leap.

Chu Lushan picked two cucumbers, one in each hand, no more, no less. After walking for the time it takes an incense stick to burn, he met with his guards and slowly descended the mountain. When he ascended, he had taken the main path through the Xuanwu Dangxing archway. On the way down, he chose the Southern Spirit Path, used by pilgrims from Liang to offer incense on the mountain. The twenty-plus li route featured peaks like bamboo shoots and a river like a silk ribbon. Chu Lushan remained silent, even gnawing on the ends of the cucumbers. The guard commander, a burly martial general notorious for his killings, had a good master-servant relationship with the Grand Marshal's adopted son. He half-jokingly remarked, "General, you have such refined tastes, even cucumbers interest you." Without a word, Chu Lushan smacked him with a powerful, ruthless blow, knocking out several of the general's teeth. The man, however, swallowed his blood and teeth, then prostrated himself on the ground, trembling with fear.

Lu Ball, who had smiled even when the Young Master teased him or patted his face, was now expressionless. Walking on the mountain path, he didn't spare a glance for the terrified commander. He merely looked back at the towering Lotus Peak, which pierced the clouds, and softly said, "I really am not suited for life on the mountain."