Chapter 48: Who Is More Evil (Funny Story) Author hero-hero

Episode Two: The Pool of Secret Strife

After enduring countless hardships and overcoming numerous obstacles, the son-in-law who married into the Su family finally caught up to the woman in green. She was now dressed as a maid, and for convenience, we'll refer to her as Xiaoqing, though she had previously worn black.

“Lady hero, do you practice internal martial arts? I wish to become your disciple and learn your skills!” He spoke sincerely, his heart pounding.

Xiaoqing was surprised, then stared excitedly at Ning Yi: “So, after following me for so long and finally catching up, you don't intend to arrest me? You just want to learn martial arts from me?”

“Yes, that’s exa— ” His words were immediately cut short.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! I’ve always wanted to practice internal martial arts — true internal martial arts — the profound and powerful kind that requires dual cultivation between a man and a woman.”

“Uh…”

Overjoyed, Xiaoqing interrupted the man again: “How wonderful! Heaven has finally granted me a suitable partner! I searched for him a thousand times in the crowd, and suddenly, turning my head, I found you – I can finally practice the true method I’ve longed for. Dual cultivation, it must be so wonderful, so exhilarating! Our ancestors passed it down through generations, and it can make you incredibly powerful, truly powerful. If I used this technique against those insignificant Wulie soldiers, I could instantly kill them instead of wasting three or four minutes; if I jumped, I could surely fly, not just two meters high; if I killed someone, they wouldn’t even scream, but would be instantly reduced to dust; if I…”

“Is it… is it really that powerful, that… that wonderful, that… exhilarating?” The man swallowed, unconsciously staring at her chest as he asked.

“Of course! Once our cultivation is complete, we’ll live carefree lives, flying through the sky, burrowing through the earth, and traveling a thousand miles in an instant. Occasionally, we can even have flying swords, external avatars, primordial spirits, mechas, and time travel make guest appearances. How wonderful the future will be! Oh, my poor miserable days before this!”

“Before?”

“Yes, before, I didn’t have a dual cultivation partner, so I could only cultivate alone, fumbling my way forward. But the technique passed down through my generations is only suitable for dual cultivation. Out of desperation, I used bananas to assist my practice. At first, one banana a week was enough, then after some days it became two or three a week, and then, as my martial arts improved, I needed one banana every day… My demand for bananas grew so large that it caused a gradual increase in global banana prices, eventually leading to inflation, and I could no longer afford bananas, which had become a luxury. Those days were truly hellish. Thankfully, just as I was about to collapse, a banana grove appeared before me… After enjoying countless bananas, I hugged a banana tree and cried tears of joy, overwhelmed by immense happiness. Unfortunately, good times don’t last. Song Xian, the Captain of the Wulie Army, who had a preference for male lovers, built a huge villa to appease his burly consorts vying for his affection. That accursed Song Xian actually built his villa right in my banana grove and even planned a football field around it, cutting down and burning all my banana trees. Song Xian was utterly destroying my livelihood! I swore then that I would never rest until he was dead. My assassination attempt on Lantern Festival night failed; I never expected a man to possess a technique like ‘harvesting yang’ – similar to 'harvesting yin' – and be so skilled. I attacked him with all my might, risking my life, and only managed to heavily injure him, leaving me dejected that I might never have another chance to kill him. Who would have thought heaven would grant you to me at this very moment? This is truly fate! From now on, I won’t need bananas; I’ll embark on the great path of dual cultivation with you. The day our cultivation is complete will be the day Song Xian perishes!”

“Yes, yes, fate, I believe in fate! Turning my head, we are both heading towards dual cultivation… It’s all fate!” The man’s eyes were already wide, and he was drooling.

a) And so, the man, believing in fate, was happily led astray by the woman. Hand in hand, they embarked on a life of blissful happiness.

b) And so, the bananas became enraged. They erupted, roaring to the sky: “You black-clad female assassin, you’ve gone too far! I tolerated you forcing me into that wet, tight, lightless place; but now you’ve gone even further, luring away my pure protagonist! How am I supposed to continue? How can I bear this humiliation? Who will I find for dual cultivation now? If this can be endured, what cannot?! My strongest magic weapon — Durian, emerge! Fight that scoundrel! With the incantation, ‘Angry banana, I can’t take this pain anymore,’ unleash the ultimate technique — Exploding Durian…”

c) And so, from that day forward, there was never a moment of peace.

d) And so, bananas were once again out of stock in the markets, their prices skyrocketed, banana stocks hit their daily limit for 'n' consecutive days, and banana futures…

n) And so, I left an ellipsis, hoping all you readers can continue the “And so…”

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